I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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