Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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