Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
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I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Im part way to drunk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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