maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
