The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
