she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I did not marry a roomba.
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