it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
