so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
