garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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