hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
