bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
