I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
