Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
