Swine flu. Run for my life!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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