Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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