the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
