I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
