dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
