I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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