Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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