having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize