I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
