Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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