The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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