Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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