Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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