Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
