now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
