her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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