Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
