I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want to make out with him forever
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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