So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
