I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
