All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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