I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
