am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
