The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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