Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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