I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
