Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
