my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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