Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
