He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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