i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
