butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
