Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
