you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
