im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
