I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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