Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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