Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
