apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
