okay pat passed out under dana's car
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
