I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
