I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
