Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
